Ana is loving first class.

We start with three pages of emails and Ana tells Mr. Grey a very pleasant young man massaged her back.  Of course, he flips out. Two more pages of email, and now he’s concerned that she’s emailing on the plane which is against airline rules, ya know? Her blackberry could be messing with flight navigation and all.

She quickly informs him that the man who gave her the massage was “very gay.”

Mr. Grey says she’s being naughty and next time will have to ride in the cargo space in a crate.  She takes him seriously and writes him an email essay (yes, it’s two pages long), freaking out about how he scares her and she thinks he’s being serious.

Ana lands in Georgia and cries at the sight of Mom, and then hits the beach to forget all about Mr. Grey, only to return to Mom’s house eager to turn on the Macbook and check her email again, where she finds an email essay from Mr. Grey  (3 pages long).

This is followed by 6 pages of emails between the two of them.  Didn’t she go to Georgia to get away from him??  The emails go something like this.

Mr. Grey: Can I zip up your dress?

Ana: I would rather you unzipped it.

Mr. Grey: SO WOULD I.

Ana: Slowly…

Mr. Grey: Wish I were there.

Ana: SO DO I.

Seriously, folks?  This is worse than texting.

Oh but wait!  Three more pages of email to follow after dinner in which Mr. Grey says, “I thought I had a more concupiscent effect on you. That has been my experience, and most pleasurable it has been, too.”

Ana accuses him of playing with a thesaurus.  (I think E. L. James just ratted herself out!)  Yes, Ana, sticks and stones can break your bones but softbound reference books excite me!

So Mr. Grey ends up going to dinner with his dominant Mrs. Robinson and the chapter ends with YES!  More Emails! Ana has gone out for drinks with her mother. Ana is jealous and thinks the worst, and Mr. Grey refuses to discuss it via email.  Why not, Mr. Grey?  Can’t find the right  gray words in that thesaurus of yours?

The chapter ends with him asking how many Cosmos she’s going to drink!

Holy fuck, he’s here.