This morning I thumbed through my poems from 1993. I also read the foreword I’d written to this chapter and I completely agree with it. All these poems were about high school crushes and being in love! All the poems are flighty verses that rhyme too. They are somewhat good, but in the end they all sound the same.
Reading them again, I know exactly how I felt back then. I was so young, so naive, but being a teen, it was certainly a big deal. Everything is during those high school years, which are life changing events both on small and large scales and we certainly think no one can relate.
One of the better poems in this group is called “No Choice” and was written in June of 1993. I’d just finished my junior year of high school. My crush had graduated. It was the summer before my senior year was to begin. And it would be the last poem I wrote for an entire year!
I see you walking down the hall
But you’ve never noticed me at all
I wait for the moment my wish might come true
And each of my days could be spent with you
Although I’ve kept you inside, close to my heart
We have never met, but we are growing apart
If only I could speak to you, before this dream is gone
Maybe you’ll remember me and the dream can live on
Although these are feelings which some might regret
You’ll never remember me–but I won’t forget
Longing for an encounter, the chance to be your friend
As long as I keep wishing, the dream will never end
You will never be a part of my solitary life
And with this thought, I’ll take this knife
Raise it into the air, drive it deep into my chest
All because of you; was this choice the best?
My heart yearns and continues to sing
But I am listening to a different song
The sight of you makes my eyes sting
And I realize that loving you was wrong
My hopes and dreams have come to an end
And so has the chance of becoming your friend
There was no choice I chose to make.
Notice the absence of punctuation. I am proud of myself in that aspect.
But then there’s that notion of suicide again – I promise I never attempted to take my life! And certainly not because of any boy I had a crush on back then.
One thing that hasn’t given me comfort since those years is Facebook. I occasionally look up that certain crush that I wrote these poems about and am happy to see how he’s aged. He lost all of his charming good looks from back then – along with his hair. He has three children. He’s definitely NOT the looker he was back then. But neither am I. We all grow old, right? But it’s still fun to think about.
The next chapter in my chapbook covers 1994 and 1995. Like I said, I apparently wrote no poems during my senior year of high school. The next one is dated June 1994. Not only was I dealing with my last year of high school and trying to think about college, but my parents also separated in October 1993 just shy of 30 years of marriage, and eventually divorced in April 1994. I remember what a great hardship that was, and it obviously inspired some words later on which I’ll share in my next post.
Did you write sappy love poems when you were in school for your high school crush? Did you share them with anyone? Do you still have them today?