I started back to the gym this year. It’s not a task I enjoy, per se. But I do like the results I am getting from it when it comes to my health and getting in shape. The “gym culture,” if that is what you want to call it, is filled with people who would make interesting characters for a book.
It’s a writer’s playground! But the more I see them, the more I hate them. So I’ve been composing this list of “ten things I hate about the gym” in my head for a while now and quickly discovered it’s the people I hate, not really things about the gym.
So here they are:
10. The guy who is always working out in blue jeans and a red, white, and blue Tommy appliqued Tommy tee from about ten years ago. Blue jeans? Really? And buy a tee shirt from this decade, will ya? They sell them in the lobby!
9. The guys with a big chest, but skinny arms and legs. Hey sweetheart, you are more than just a torso. Get busy!
8. The guys carrying old milk jugs filled with water. If you are that dehydrated, you might want to see a doctor.
7. The old guy with a do-rag on his head wearing about twenty layers and fifty neon shades of spandex. ‘Nuff said.
6. The guys on their cell phones or blue tooths while working out. You are not that important. Can you not do anything on your own? Hang up and jog already!
5. People doing random set-ups and push-ups in random places on the floor. Hello! I’m walking here. You can use your floor at home and do that for free!!
4. Drummer guy. Go home and play Rock Band on X-Box, will ya? You are going to fall off that treadmill and hurt yourself. And I will laugh at you when you do.
3. The girl who always sets the treadmill too fast and falls off. Ha! Ha! You are stupid and yes, we saw that and we are laughing at you.
2. The guys constantly checking themselves out in the mirror. Yeah, I see you flexing over there. Hard to avoid it since all the walls in this place are mirrors. I know you want to take out your phone and snap a pic for your boyfriend, don’t ya? Go on…take that pic….do it already!
1. The guys who do only five reps on a machine and then spend twenty minutes “resting” by walking around with their chests puffed out. You haven’t even broken a sweat! Get busy!
OK, so I’m exaggerating a bit, but gym-going is part of my weekly (if not daily) routine. I’ve got to get this energy from somewhere other than a double-shot of espresso, right? But as I’ve learned time and time again, going to the gym can be a major pain if the place is inhabited by mega-douches…