So, in Chapter One we meet Anastasia Steele who is taking her college roomie’s place as an interviewer for an article for the college newspaper. She’s going to interview Christian Grey, the young CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc. The roomie, Katherine Kavanagh, is sick with the flu.

The chapter starts something like this in my mind: Like, Oh My God, my hair is a mess, and Like Oh My God, I can’t believe Katherine is sick and I agreed to do this interview for her. Oh My God! Mr. Grey only hires blonds, and like, why are they all looking at me? Oh My God! Oh My God…like…he’s so like hot and stuff.

Mr. Grey works in a gray building with gray walls, wears a gray suit and has gray eyes.  Pull out the bottle of vodka and when you read Chapter 1, take a swig every time Ana calls something gray. Hell, take another swig every time she says his name which is gray with an e. Put the book down, sleep it off, and read Chapter 2 tomorrow.

I immediately hated Ana because she becomes a big boobed bumbling idiot, even tripping over herself as she enters Mr. Grey’s office because he is so hot.  She stutters. She catches her breath. She fidgets and can’t get the tape recorder set up. Meanwhile, Mr. Grey is smooth, collected, rich, conceited, pompous, confident…grab a thesaurus and insert your favorite adjectives here because E. L. certainly did. Too bad the best word she could come up for gray was gray (or Grey).

Ana proceeds with Katherine’s list of questions, one of which is Are you gay?  He says he isn’t and Ana fumbles all over herself some more.  OMG!  Crap…I can’t believe Katherine was going to ask that.  Like Oh My God, why didn’t I read these questions first!  Tee Hee!  Will you buy me something pretty?  

Ana turns down a tour of the building and an offer for an internship and says good-bye with a sexy look as the elevator closes on Mr. Grey.  Hollywood is gonna eat this shit up!

I laughed and threw the book down.  I was tired and my vodka bottle was empty.