Paul almost made it with a bouquet of peonies just for Cathy.  She’d wanted them at their wedding, but her father bought carnations instead.

She made peace with her father, and then he staggered out of the room with a hangover.

She told Andrea to go ahead and go to New York, to do it for herself and for Cathy.

Adam worked hard to graduate early, just so she could see her son graduate before she left.

And Sean gave his kidney to a stranger.

And when Cathy passed, Marlene and Thomas were there waiting for her by the pool.

I learned a lot by watching The Big C these past years. If anything, I learned it’s okay to laugh at death.  It’s going to come, regardless of what we do. Death is stubborn, but it shouldn’t be scary. And whether God is there or not, or our loved ones, or our hospice nurse, we still have to greet death alone.

It is a test. We have to prepare ourselves to leave, but our loved ones and friends must do the same. We can be selfish, though we might not want to. We just don’t want to get in the way.

And our health system will fail us. There is no compassion there. If you watched last night, you saw Cathy getting kicked out of the Hospice center because her insurance would only cover four months and they wouldn’t take cash. “I want to die here,” Cathy said. “Well, you have until Friday to do it,” her case worker said.

I have experienced that myself lately with doctors and tests that cannot show any results for the pain I’m feeling, with an insurance policy that barely covers the bill.  Sometimes I’d rather just suffer with it than continue to pay for nothing.

But in the end, lucky us. We get to leave this world and all our troubles behind. It’s not the hours in the life, but the life in the hours that matters. But it takes a death for us to see that, and sometimes then it’s too late.

Nah, it’s never too late.

Lucky me.

Emily’s writing desk – a gift from her father

Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.

We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.

We passed the school, where children strove
At recess, in the ring;
We passed the fields of gazing grain,
We passed the setting sun.

Or rather, he passed us;
The dews grew quivering and chill,
For only gossamer my gown,
My tippet only tulle.

We paused before a house that seemed
A swelling of the ground;
The roof was scarcely visible,
The cornice but a mound.

Since then ’tis centuries, and yet each
Feels shorter than the day
I first surmised the horses’ heads
Were toward eternity.

–Emily Dickinson

Emily Dickinson passed away 127 years ago today at the age of 56. Though many have speculated as to the true nature of her death, the poetry she left behind has been cause for much more bizarre speculation.

And to think we almost did not know who Emily was for it was her instruction given to her sister to burn all of her papers after Emily passed.  Of course, her sister saved Emily’s poems and struggled to have them published, and thank goodness she did or none of us would know Emily as we do today.

I spent my summer last year studying and reading her because she is the lead character in what will be my fourth novel, Dickinstein, being published this fall with Rocking Horse Publishing. I’ve always had a fascination with her ever since college.  A student professor liked to say, “We all must bow to Miss Emily,” during random tangents in his lectures.  Though I had no idea who or what he was talking about, I eventually found out for myself and now I know why he said that.

Emily hated criticism.  I am almost certain that’s why she wanted her poems to be destroyed.  It took years for them to even be published due to turmoil caused by her brother’s affair. In my book, I explore a central fictional episode in Emily’s life that could have inspired her poetry.

The themes of life and death resonate in her words, so I stayed true to her and used that as my underlying theme through the book. Emily might have even feared death, but she also respected it.  She had a fondness for nature and living things.  I tried my best to capture that as well and while the book is completely fictional, it is a celebration of her true self.

I myself have worn a poet’s hat, and as a writer I think I connect with Emily so much because I often share in her turmoil and sadness. I have been surrounded by acquaintances and yet still felt so alone in this world. And at times, only words can give me comfort.

Flowers have been my only friends, and a garden path my daily direction; the song of a bird my sad melody. Once death stops for me, I cannot imagine I will have such an impact upon the world as Emily has, but if Emily were alive today I would have to thank her. Her words have given me that comfort, and in the end, that’s all a writer ever wants.  Even if it is a comfort for one’s self, it is comfort nonetheless.

Rest in peace, Miss Dickinson.

For Emily

]]> http://shannonyarbrough.com/2013/05/15/emily-dickinson-december-10-1830-may-15-1886/feed/ 1 shannonyarbrough Emily's writing desk - a gift from her father DSCN0042 http://shannonyarbrough.com/2013/05/11/the-urban-gardener-spring-2013-2/ http://shannonyarbrough.com/2013/05/11/the-urban-gardener-spring-2013-2/#comments Sat, 11 May 2013 19:24:34 +0000 Shannon Yarbrough http://shannonyarbrough.com/?p=8592 Continue reading →]]> The daffodils have come and gone and are now a distant memory until next year. We’re getting a late start on our herb and vegetable garden this year because the cooler temps just will not let go. Last year were were installing a new herb garden on May 7th.  We bought our new herbs today and will plant them tomorrow, May 11th.  The good news is we did not have to buy hardly any new mints this year.  They all came back, along with lemon thyme and some sage, in fact you could say they are flourishing.  Here’s what the herb garden looks like right now.  Most of that is Kentucky Spearmint, all from just one plant last year.

We’ve decided to spare it and will transplant some of it to our back flower bed as filler and ground covering.  It really helps keep the weeds at bay. It also blooms a pretty purple and white flower late in the season.  I pulled lots of it for my herb wreath last year, and we also made sun tea with it.  So, it will definitely go to good use.

This week we saw our first iris bloom.  It appears to be a dwarf iris which I have not identified yet even after looking back through the identification cards I always save. Sadly, it isn’t in a bright sunny position in the yard, so it could have been easily overlooked.  This is why it surprised me to have bloomed first. It currently has two beautiful deep maroon blooms and has buds for two more.

Our purple alliums are also starting to bloom.  Last year I moved several of these to isolated locations because they each only have one stem and the dogs were trampling them.  Well, some that I didn’t dig up are striving again.  Here’s a picture of the first big one to bloom.  I’m not going to move this one, but he’ll have some buddies next year that I will move from another spot to join him.

The broom shrubs which are evergreens are also in full bloom already. We had planted a third one last year, but lost it in the summer.  We were afraid we’d lose these two with that late snow we got in March that was so heavy laden on them. But they made it and are doing great.  That’s both of them in the pic at the very top. And here’s the yellow one.  It’s probably about three feet tall, but has spread out quite a bit thanks to that snow weighing its branches down. And here’s the pink one with J next to it.  J is 5’8″ and when we bought this bush two years ago it was probably barely 3 feet tall so you can see how much it’s grown. It would probably be as tall as him had the snow not weighted it down and caused it to spread out as well.

Lastly, I got a fire pit for my birthday!  We’ve been wanting one forever.  After putting it together two weeks ago, we cleaned up the patio and rearranged the furniture.  We are thinking of adding some more potted plants to it this year.  It’s nothing fancy and we don’t do much entertaining out there, but it is the anchor to the back of the yard so we like for it to look presentable.

Who wants s’mores?

What’s next?

We’ll plant the herbs and vegetable garden tomorrow.  Other than that, we’ve got more irises just about to bloom, including some of the new ones that we didn’t get to see last year because of the late April hail storm.  More pics to follow!

So what’s new in your garden?  What favorite spring flower are you looking forward to?  What are you going to plant this year?

The first part of this section just teaches you about how to add files and folders and to convert between the two. Scrivener even shows you how to change the icon next to each folder and what they each represent. There’s a plain folder, a piece of paper in the folder, and also a stack of paper. I don’t really think this would be very useful to me, but who knows.  I guess I’ll find out when I actually start using it.

In the editor, there are four modes for viewing your work: single document, corkboard, outliner, and “scrivenings.” Single document is exactly what it sounds like, just looking at a single document just the way it is on the screen. Corkboard mode shows the file as index cards on a corkboard, which is kind of fun. Here’s a photo of an example:

Outliner mode shows your file in…you guessed it….an outline.  It shows you the title of each document, its synopsis, it’s label, the date it was created, the date it was last modified, and its label (you can label it as a Chapter or Concept, etc.).

“Scrivenings” is the term for Scrivener’s combined text mode. It allows you to view or edit multiple text documents as a composite—as though they were one long document with dividers in between each documents. But you have to at least have subdocuments to use this mode. It basically makes working on a long text easier by allowing you to break it up into smaller pieces, while still being able to see how those smaller pieces fit into the greater whole.

You can also choose to view your document as a split either vertically or horizontally. I thought this was a pretty cool feature. What this means is that maybe you are half way through a document you are working on but you need to go back up to the top to check something or even copy something from the first page.  You can split your document and it opens it up in another window on the same page which you can use to scroll through while keeping your place on the original document.  You can also use one of these split panes to open up other files, and continue typing in the other pane if needed.  Pretty neat if you’ve collected research for your work and need to access it.  You don’t have to open multiple windows and worry about downsizing windows or even accidentally closing them.

The next four steps are indepth looks at the corkboard, outliner, and Scrivenings mode, showing you how to use them better and even how to customize each. For example, in corkboard mode you can change the size of the cards if they aren’t big enough. In outliner mode, you can customize the information you see in the outline – adding or taking away.

The Organisation step wraps up by teaching you how you can search your document – pretty basic stuff using a too bar at the top right where you can have it search all or can have it just search titles, characters, labels, etc.

And that’s it for Part 2.

Part 3 which I’ll discuss in the next part of this series moves on to Importing, Exporting, and Printing features so it appears we are hopefully closing in on the end.

Step 4 in the tutorial is all about being able to go Full Screen mode so you can block out distractions.  There’s lots of options to “dress things up here” with different color backgrounds and fonts. I didn’t test any of them because lots of other programs have this feature, including WordPress.

The next step is called The Inspector and it seems to be so complex that it even has seven subcategories. For me, it felt like this features of the program would work better if you were writing a research paper or nonfiction piece.  You launch The Inspector by clicking on the I in the blue circle at the top right of the program (see photo).  Hmm…what does that look like to you?

Also, as you can see from the photo, you can create a Synopsis which is typed on an index card. You can also assign meta-data to your piece. You can take notes in the margin as well. You can also input references, from other documents or the web. You can assign keywords to your chapters or document, making it easier to find those sections later. You can also input comments or footnotes into your manuscript and assign them to specific words or parts of your text.

The one feature I found the most useful was the Snapshot option.  Have you ever wanted to save a draft and then rewrite it, but then maybe you wanted to go back to the original copy but couldn’t find it, or maybe you typed over it or deleted it?  Using the Snapshot feature, you can hold on to your original draft by taking a snapshot of it.  You can then rework/rewrite it while holding on to the original in the same folder. Pretty neat.

All of these different features are launched after you open the Inspector by clicking on buttons in the lower right corner of the program.  They look like this:

Like I said, I’m not sure how useful all of these features would be when writing a novel, but I’m willing to give them a try. As I learn more about the program, I’m seeing just out flat a Word doc really is.  This program definitely makes for rich text as you build a story – being able to add notes, keywords, references, and the like.  I’m really looking forward to getting started after I finish the tutorial.

This completed Part 1 of the tutorial.  More later as I continue on…

Other than Evernote, I’ve never used anything beyond a notepad and pen or Microsoft Word when it comes to writing. I don’t necessarily like MS Word, but I’m familiar enough with it that it makes writing comfortable for me. It’s kind of like when something is broken around your house and you learn to work around it or without it. You adapt, although your life might be more comfortable if you just fixed it.  So, I’ve decided to try Scrivener for my next writing project.  I’ll be blogging about my experiences along the way to hopefully shed some light on this program for other writers.

After you’ve purchased the program, and definitely if you are purchasing it from Amazon, don’t delete the confirmation email that Amazon sends you.  It contains a registration code which then gets you a serial number you’ll need to register to get the full program. Otherwise, you’ll only have a trial version for 30 days. Once you are all set there and have opened the program once it’s downloaded to your computer, there’s a brief introduction and then you get to go through a tutorial.

The tutorial takes about an hour, and as of this post I’m about a fourth of the way through it. All I can say is shut yourself in a room and be prepared. Try to get in the right mindset as if you are taking an online course or something. It’s very interactive, but it’s also a lot of reading. Several times, I had to stop and reread certain parts just to get a feel for what I was supposed to be learning. Here’s a snapshot of the main window of the tutorial:

Scrivener is unique in that it has an outline of subcategories down the left side which it calls “The Binder.”  Think of this as the way you can organize your documents into files on your computer. The tutorial starts by showing you how The Binder is organized.  It is set up into three parts: Draft, Research, and Trash.

Some of the features I like that I’ve learned about so far include the program autosaves your work, so you don’t have to constantly hit the save button for fear of losing anything.  You also can’t accidentally delete something.  You can move it to the Trash bin but it stays there until you empty the trash.  There’s also a word and character count in the footer that automatically updates as you type. Navigation between scenes or documents is also easy using arrows in the header, unlike MS Word where you basically have to have multiple saved files open in different windows.  Notice there’s a word highlighted in the snapshot above?  You can highlight your place in one document, then go to another document or research, and the program will hold your space for you when you get back.

So there you have it.  That’s what I’ve learned in the first three steps from the tutorial that I have found useful.  More next time as I continue on…

Do you have a program that you like to write in? What do you like about it? Do you already use Scrivener?  What do you or don’t you like about it?

Having written two books last year, including Dickinstein which is the book due out in October, I decided to go back and work on the other book I wrote which is a sequel to Stealing Wishes.

You are probably stuck on the fact that I said I wrote two books last year!  Yep, I did.  And I’ve done it before back in 2007 when I wrote Stealing Wishes and then wrote Are You Sitting Down? right after it. SW was published the following year and I sat on AYSD? until 2010 because I didn’t think it was good enough.

Chances are my sequel to SW will be published next year and I’m enjoying getting back to work on it.  It’s pretty solid.  But then during a three hour, 200 mile road trip last weekend my Muse showed up and started talking.  We chatted about an idea I had been loosely contemplating for several weeks now. It’s not an idea I would start writing this year, only because it’s going to require quite a bit of research again.

This is exactly what happened last year with Dickinstein. I was almost done with the sequel to SW and ready to start polishing it when my Muse showed up on June 22nd (yep, I remember the date!) and got me to thinking about a new idea.  I listened and went home and started writing and researching and in eight weeks I had the first rough draft under my belt. It was the best feeling in the world.

And now it’s happening again! Sure, I’m scared of it a little.  But as a writer, that feeling is exactly where we want to be most of the time. Our heads are always surging with ideas. Some of them work out and some of them don’t. Some of them become short stories instead of novels. Some become nothing more than a garbled mess soaking up a napkin in a coffee bar.

What’s even worse is that I have a partial novel (that I started in 2006) that I’m bound and determined to finish one day.  And every time it has a chance to get back in line, another idea steals the limelight from it. So, since this new idea is going to require some research first, maybe I do that research while working on the older idea. Either way, the Muse cannot and will not be ignored.

As if I needed convincing, when I returned home from my trip (another 3 hour trip with you know who talking in my ear), there was a birthday gift waiting for me that had come in the mail from a friend. Shockingly enough, I opened it to find a book I had intended to reread first to start taking some notes on the new project. What’s funny is this friend didn’t even know about this new novel idea.  No one did. She didn’t know I owned this book – she hoped I didn’t or hadn’t read it before at least.  But I had read it and I do own it.  I purchased it in 2000 and read it back then. Haven’t read it since.  But I’d been thinking about it, and thought it would be a good place to start.

So… when something like that happens, I don’t really think I need any more encouragement, do I?  I have my answer. It’s time to shut up the Muse.

It’s time to start writing.

Yesterday we installed a permanent fence around the vegetable garden to keep the rabbits out.  It was a nice affordable investment that should last several years with little maintenance.  Here’s a snapshot of the beds just waiting to be planted with tomatoes and peppers in a few weeks.

We got a jump start on potted plants this year which add nice depth out in the yard. Today we bought two beautiful calla lilies. We have had good luck with other lilies such as Asiatic and Tiger lilies so we thought we’d give these a try.

We also like to put pots on the front porch every year, which in the past have always contained annual flowers. This year we decided to fill them with perennials instead, again relying on bulb plants and others that we’ve had luck with before.  As you can see, we added some daffodils to them.  We also have purple hyacinths and grape hyacinths in there. And those are irises in the middle – a beautiful orange one called Avalon Sunset, and a white variety called Immortality. I also added some of my own Asiatic lilies that are in a whiskey barrel on the patio and have come back every year.

I’m most excited about the white iris. I have white irises in the back yard which were planted two years ago but they did not bloom last year.  Hopefully, we’ll see a white iris this year.

Out in the yard, the daffodils are blooming and all of our other plants are breaking forth and growing like crazy. I’m looking forward to seeing some new blooms and some of our old favorite ones over the next couple of months, and sharing them with you here on my blog.

For now, here’s some pics of the daffodils in bloom around the yard…

But it all adds up and it added 4 pounds back on the scale for me which I was not happy about it.  But I weighed in on Friday and had lost 2 of those pounds already. Due to actually getting sick, I did not return to the gym right away after the shows were over. Last week was my official “back on track” week.

I went to the gym Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I also had a great week calorie wise. Today was my 105th day in a row that I’ve logged into myfitnesspal.com too.  I’m still using it because it is working for me, and recently a long distance friend signed up and seems to be having success with it too.

On MyFitnessPal, I reset my goals a few weeks ago which gave me about 400 more calories a day.  I did this because I found that I just kept going over more than I cared to, even on days when I felt I was eating right. So, instead of 1910 calories a day I can now have 2300.  It doesn’t mean I will use them though. But that has worked out much better for me because I only went over once last week and that was yesterday, and Saturday is usually a cheat day for me anyway. I’ve still saved about 7,000 calories for the week not counting the 2300 I’m allowed today.

Now that the weather is warming up and we have more daylight hours, exercising will be easier for me.  I’ve set Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday as my regular gym days each week and then I’ll do some type of outdoor activity – biking or walking – on at least one weekend day.

I’ve still got a while to goal before I get to my ultimate weight, but what’s important is that I’m still motivated more than ever to get there. It will happen! Spring time is a great time to get started and an easier time of year to stay motivated now that winter is behind us.  How are you doing with your weight loss goals this year?

I’m so bored.

Last night was the premiere of NBC’s Hannibal, based on the characters created by Thomas Harris, the show created by Bryan Fuller. I wrote about it in yesterday’s post, debating whether or not it will survive to see a second season based on Fuller’s track record. And based on the first show, I’m going to say it’s headed for the cutting board.

While I enjoyed the show somewhat and will continue to watch, I think Fuller has taken too many liberties already with the characters. There’s no reason to reinvent the genius cast that Harris created long ago. Sure, we’re seeing Will Graham early on when he first became an FBI profiler, and he lacks a lot of confidence and is distraught with his ability to empathize with serial killers – but he seemed almost too odd though he later sure knew how to use a gun spot on!

Am I the only one who found it hard to understand what Dr. Lecter was saying?  Lecter has German roots, but he just seemed too stiff at times and hard to comprehend. He even seemed bored. Prior to getting caught, Lecter only killed nine known victims and most of them were his patients. Making him into a copy cat killer, as they alluded, just seemed strange.

And the serial murder that Crawford reached out to Graham and Lecter on neatly got wrapped up in the end, so while we are trying to understand Graham and get to know Lecter, a serial murderer is caught and the crimes are wrapped up nice and neat within an hour’s time. Sure, that’s the joy of television but it left us nothing to cling to in anticipation of next week’s episode.  Meanwhile, there’s all this business involving the elk which was also seen in the preview of episodes to come. One of Lecter’s victims in the books was a bow hunter, so perhaps they are going to go in that direction? Who knows?!  I think this is just Fuller’s signature in trying to make things dark and dream-like.

What I am looking forward to is the characters to come (hopefully) who are also in the books. Freddie Lounds is listed on the IMBd page, but is a woman instead. Remember the fate Lounds suffered in Red Dragon? If you saw the movie, this character was played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman.  There’s also Clarice to think about which probably would be a minor role at the FBI Academy, but have no interaction with Lecter.  So, chances are we won’t see her. But there are some well known Lecter victims who could pop up as patients he is seeing – Mason Verger and Benjamin Raspail are the main two named in the books.  Let’s not forget an unnamed census taker – we all know what happened to him.  There’s all kinds of good plot lines from the book that could definitely give this series some much needed depth.

Hopefully the kinks we saw last night will work themselves out, and I’m sure they will, but probably too late. Like Fuller’s other work, just as it gets really good TV execs will probably pull the plug.