Yeah, yeah, I’m back to the subject of querying agents again. Here’s why.
Last night I went through a stack of papers, files, and magazines on my desk and found two files dedicated to my query letters: one for rejections and one for agent profiles I’ve queried and am waiting on a response from. There are 15 profiles in my “waiting” file, most dated two months ago this weekend. Ahh, the great game of waiting for a reply. I don’t think I received any in March. Some say they’ll reply in six weeks. Some say they reply only if interested. Some may have accidentally deleted my email, or their tough spam blocker sent me into a questionable file that they only sort through once a year.
I’ve been a regular visitor to some agent blogs this year, some who I have queried and some who I have not, to gain useful insight on what they are looking for, what makes a good query letter, and other helpful tips which I’ve definitely taken note of. I’m amazed at a few of the agents who constantly say, “Query me first!” They open the email gates wide and want the first opportunity. Then, they complain when they are overwhelmed with bad queries who didn’t follow the rules, attached files to emails, used nonprofessional lingo, or used a cookie cutter letter which they then copied a dozen agents on. I don’t know who is at fault really….the agent for putting themselves in that position in the first place or the author who obviously didn’t heed the advice they were given? Maybe a little of both.
I also have to chuckle at the agents who constantly brag at how many partials they requested in a week, or how quickly deals were made and six digit advances were handed out. They offer a glimmer of hope to those of us who are waiting in the wings, a nice dangling carrot perhaps. One agent rejected me in less than five minutes after emailing my query with a six word rejection letter (if you can even call that a letter). They didn’t even type their name or my name on it. Weeks later on their blog they said they give careful consideration to every query they receive and that they always send out a nice form letter. Yeah, it’s a form letter but it’s very professional.
WHAT? I got six words with no “Dear Shannon.” I don’t even think there was a period at the end of the sentence, if it even was a sentence. They didn’t even put their name on it at the end! Yeah, that’s professionalism. Heck, here’s my cell number…why don’t you just text me your rejection? TNFM, SS, CYA, LOL! Might I add that this agent is not listed in my blogroll!!
But I’m not bitter.
So, instead, I’m back to querying. I sent two more off last night. Back to putting myself out there. Let the rejection letters cometh….please! Or the six digit advances….whichever you prefer….(fingers crossed).
By the way, thank the technological Gods for this century where we can actually email agents and get a reply back the same way! Thank you agents for joining us during the computer age! While searching agentquery.com, I’m amazed at the number of agents who still want mailed queries only. Geez….I have to go buy envelopes, and postage, and paper, and ink, and kill trees, and burn gas. Why don’t I break out the Royal typewriter, crawl into a cave with my cheetah print toga on, chew on some dino bones, and get busy?!? Hmmm…maybe I’ll just paint my query on the wall of the cave with my own feces and wait for archaeologists to find it!
Nah, even then it would still get rejected!
